Distorted Self-Confidence: Why You Don’t Believe In Yourself

Not everyone’s a big fan of themselves. You could be one of these people.

Many factors shape our self-confidence. These factors include our view on our performance, appearance, abilities, and limitations, as well as the treatment we receive from other people. The thoughts and emotions we developed in time have greatly affected us by distorting our self-confidence.

In my opinion, there are three major aspects that impact how we view ourselves:

  1. Relationship with our Father
  2. Our Childhood Experiences
  3. Lies of the Real Enemy

Relationship with our Father

Fathers are leaders in the family and usually the anchor we rely on for our confidence. They are, after all, in charge of the family. If we see that they are confident, there’s a small part of ourselves that want to be as confident as they are.

Apart from their role modelling, our father’s relationship with us also influences how we view ourselves. If our dad was doting and showered us with compliments and encouragement, we are most likely confident with who we are. Some people, however, aren’t as fortunate. Some people have fathers who insulted them most of their lives. Their dads didn’t believe in them, which resulted in a low self-esteem.

Our relationships with our fathers affect how we view ourselves. If they taught us a good view of ourselves, we have self-confidence. Otherwise, we struggle to appreciate who we are.

Our Childhood Experience

Influences, such as parents and caregivers, have a major impact on our self-confidence. They are mirrors reflecting back to us. Our experiences with others such as teachers, friends, and family add to the distorted view of how we see ourselves in the mirror. If these people do not believe in us and often insulted us, we are most likely to believe in them.

Trauma from hurtful events can have a lasting impact on us. If we never recover from these experiences, we will never have a good view of ourselves.

Lies of the Real Enemy

Satan is our real enemy and his job is to deceive you. He convinces you that your true source of confidence is the world: possessions, relationships, achievements and money. Sometimes, he will tell you that you are not enough; therefore, you need the validation of the world. As a result, you struggle to have everyone like you or to at least gain the “YES!” of the world.

But in the end, you’re never enough.

Who Are You Really?

The image we see in the mirror (aka others who impact our image of ourselves) may be a real or distorted view of us. Based on this view, we develop either self-confidence or a lack of it. The strengths and weaknesses we have adopted affect how we act today.

We continually take in information and evaluate ourselves in several areas, such as physical appearance (How do I look?), performance (How am I doing?), and relationships (How important am I?).

This is where self-confidence plays an important role. If we are confident in ourselves, we recognize and own our assets and potentials while being realistic about our liabilities and limitations. With a self doubt and insecurities, we focus on our faults and weaknesses, distorting failure and imperfections.

Self-confidence is important because how we think about ourselves affects how we feel about ourselves and how we interact with others and the world around us. A correct view of Self Confidence can boost our physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being. On the other hand, a self-doubt and insecurities can decrease our satisfaction and ability to function in these areas.

We can achieve developing that extra-ordinary confidence. We need to understand first how our thoughts and feelings about our confidence got developed in time. In the Bible, Jesus says:

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:32

So for you to gain extraordinary confidence, it starts with knowing the truth about Jesus first. His truth might not appeal to your first. You might think, “How can knowing Jesus help me with my self-confidence?”

Simply because HE is the source of true confidence. He is the reason we still stand today. He defines who we are: Children of the Lord; Imperfect children who strive to be better versions of themselves everyday for His glory — that’s who we are. This is where we draw our confidence.

We might not be a big fan of ourselves but Jesus is eager to help us become a better version of who we are and big fans of who He is. I am eager to help you in this journey. And in the next blogs, we’ll talk more about Him and your story of confidence.

Straighten Out Your Confidence

Your confidence levels can still reach higher levels. Join our Extraordinary Confidence online program, a 21-day course that promotes a different kind of confidence through minimalism. We’ll talk more about your identity, coping mechanisms, and self-defeating cycles (as well as how we can improve them).

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